Time for me to stand in my truth

     What else do you need? What service can I rander for you today? Am I here to stroke you ego? Am I your cheerleader? Am I here to wipe your tears? Am I your nanny? Am I here to fight the bullies? Maybe I am here to make you feel good... Maybe I'm your dealer, maybe I'm here to make you feel hot and manly and ready... so you can forget at least for a second about your life. Is that what I am?
     What else am I supposed to be? I lie in bed every night, and I play our relationship over and over in my head, like a movie. We meet, we fall in love, we can't stop ourselves, we're meant to be, I give up everything inside me and then it stops. The movie just stops. I don't know how it ends.

     I have to take care of myself. I can't spend all my time worrying about you. Everyone's doing this... it's about you, what you want, what you need. It has to be about what I want, what I need too.

     It's me. Nothing would've happened... None of it would be happening if it weren't for me. The only common denominator is me. I'm in the center, I'm the eye of the storm. This is me doing what I do best. I'm handling this, I'm fixing this. I have been over every option, I have looked at it from every angle, and I have hoped and preyed that I was wrong. I have tried to pretend that I didn't know what the answer is, but I do. So, now it's time for me to stand in my truth. It's me. I'm the thing that needs to be fixed, I'm the thing that needs to be handled. I'm the scandal.

-(c): Scandal

Who are you when no one's watching?

And nobody cares if your heart is aching, nobody cares if you want no more, nobody wants to know you cried the night before. Vaster your dreams and your hopes into it, everything you used to know it's gone and you're slipping into your own... trying not to lose yourself.

Time to put your best face on, smiling like there's nothing wrong, though deep down you feel alone. Nobody sees who you are inside, nobody knows you are so much more, nobody needs to know you're tired of putting a show.

There are so many things that I'm afraid to say, I might be afraid of loving you and most of all I'm afraid to go somewhere, anywhere but here... But I am sure about one thing... It's gonna hurt, because it matters.

A blessing and a curse

It happens like this. One day you meet someone and for some inexplicable reason, you feel more connected to this stranger than anyone else - closer to them that your closest family. Perhaps this person carries within them an angel - one send to you for some higher purpose to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. What you must do is trust in them - even if they come hand in hand with pain and suffering - the reason for their presence will become clear in due time.

Thought here is a word of warning - you may grow to love this person, but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isn't to save you, but to show you how to save yourself.

It's so dark now, I can't see any light around me. That's because the light is coming from you. You can't see it, but everyone else can.

Pana uiti cine esti

Si poate asta e, in fond, iubirea... Sa nu renunti atunci cand lucrurile devin grele. Sa te agati cu tot ce ai de idea ca tu contezi in viata lui si ca existenta ta face o diferenta.

Nimic din ce merita nu vine usor, dar aici e esenta. Sa stai drept, cand toti, inclusiv el incearca sa te aduca in genunchi. Faci toate astea pentru ca merita, pentru ca iubirea, ca sa cunoasca fericirea, trebuie sa treaca prin sacrificii.Cu cat sacrifici in iubire, cu atat devine mai profunda, pentru ca se apropie mai mult de sinele tau si al lui... de sinele vostru.

,,Nu te multumii cu o relatie. Meriti o iubire.''

Nimic nu te bantuie mai rau decat lucrurile pe care nu le spui. Cum era... sa regreti ce ai facut e mai bine decat sa regreti ce n-ai facut?!O sa inteleaga ca nu se va repara pe el prin a-i rani pe ceilalti?

Da... intrebarile sunt raspunsuri deghizate. Cand dai peste o intrebare adevarata, raspunsul il gasesti tot acolo...

Totul despre nimic

Şi… te cunoşti? Cât de des ai curajul să te uiţi în oglindă? De câte ori te pierzi în propriul sine? Câte întrebări false, care te-au condus la răspunsuri şi mai false ţi-ai pus? Ţi-ai găsit ţelul? Ai învăţat să trăieşti? Faci altceva în afară de a te îndoi de tine? Ai curaj să te înfrunţi?

Pentru că realitatea e blândă în comparaţie cu nivelul la care tu te critici. De ce nu fugi, de ce nu pleci, doar ai toată lumea la dispoziţie?!

Vrei să arăţi cine eşti? E o lume nouă, în care nu-ţi mai găseşti locul. Te doare? E bine… cât o să mai alegi suferinţa, în defavoarea fericirii? Pentru că e în regulă să crezi că nu meriţi ceea ce ai, dar e ipocrit să nu profiţi de ce ţi s-a dat.

Încă te aştepţi ca celorlalţi să le pese de tine? Încă vrei să găseşti pe cineva ca tine sau măcar pe cineva care să te vadă? Vrei să fii parte din schimbare? Schimbă! Da, tot tu.

Iubeşte… Iubeşte-l în continuare, că e singura certitudine a ta. 

Vrei să scrii? Scrie! Poate într-o zi o să conteze…

Forbidden

Isi dorea lucruri normale, care sa-i castige lupta cu singuratatea, isi dorea un om cu care sa poata face impreuna nimicurile vietii, nimicurile despre care auzise ca trebuiau sa construiasca o relatie. Dar nu putea avea o relatie. Nu putea sa-si permita o relatie. Ii era interzis sa iubeasca. Nu, mai degraba ii era interzis sa-si caute iubirea, penru ca, pe aici, prin locurile astea, oamenii interzic iubirile cu urlete si condamnari. Interzic iubirea cu ura. Si tot pe aici, de multe ori, iubirea este un obiect de studiu, ca si cum ar fi aparut de curand pe pamant si toti se inghesuie la geamul noilor indragostiti sa-i vada cum se comporta sau ce mare ciudatenie o mai fi si asta. Asa ca, cel putin pentru moment, pana cand situatia se va rezolva, daca se va rezolva, nu putea decat sa viseze si... sa spere. Intr-un loc oarecare, niciodata ,,acolo''. Si sa se multumeasca cu ce ii oferise viata dictata de ei pana atunci... totul, dar nicidecum iubire.

What's wrong

I've wondered what's wrong? And I found out. This is my life. This is my life and you didn't showed up... for me. You left me hanging and I had to do everything myself. I always have to. I am tired to do everything myself! I am alone here... We're supposed to be parteners. We are supposed to be in this together.
If you knew the sacrifices that I have made... The things I have given up and the pieces of myself that I have given away for you... and you treated me this way. You make me beg for scraps, when I have done nothing but fight for you.
You don't have to love me. I think we are in this hell together and the flames are burning both of us with equel intensity, so the least you could do is show up... for me! Instead of being like some stranger.
Those words you never spoke, hold a life of memories of all the times before... I tried to show you love, but you only asked for more... But it's ok, 'cause I don't want the world. I can't take much more of this, but also I can't let it go and that's ok...